Pastry Parodyme


> Echo name

Your name is Oddity Aquafae.

You are a Popplio of Earth, particularly the Earth of Proud Melee, even more particularly residing within the urban Aunova region. Your name, as with all others on your planet - at least those who appeared from nothing at adolescent age with no memory - was chosen by yourself. The first part, at least. Your people are known for their Pinnipedal Structure, Clown Antics, and Bubble Balloon Proficiency. Interpreting "your people" as refering to your general planetary culture as opposed to species, however, they are most notable for their Proud Physical Altercations, Versitile Elemental Powers, and Rich Mythology

You do a little Hobbying as well, such as Theoretical Physics, which you sometimes attempt to implement in your Engineering projects. Inbetween your Video Gaming Conquests, Digital Animation, and Memetic Perusal, of course. You also, along with many others of your kind, in the former sense, are a part of something of a Rather Obscure Culture of Extravagant Clownery.

You're in on the Persona Thing too, of course, being the Past-Future Persona, if anyone even knows what that means.

You know.

You are the anyone who knows what that means.

Your Affilionym is superpositionedSealion, and you generally have good grammar, don't you think?.

Now that you've totally settled into this character and fully identify with him, what will you do?

> Use undesired bodily resource expulsion functions on furniture not intended for them

That's the worst idea. You will never have an idea that you hate more. It's making you wish you didn't have biological functions. Not, like, in the sense of being dead, though, because that was a Half-Ironic Statement.

> Oddity: Explain use of the last three words you said/thought

You are glad to show off your Irony Paradigm and all of its Ironic Tiers.

At the moment, you are feeling generous enough to have your mind reside beneath all Irony, within the Pre-Ironic Tier. Just a second ago, you were speaking Half-Ironically, and quite a while ago, you directed a First-Tier Ironic statement towards a friend over the internet.

You know, of course, that none of that explained what Irony is, let alone which sense you mean it in. You take pride in being completely indecipherable in your own special way.

There are two other Ironic Tiers - the Post-Ironic and the Meta-Ironic - that you won't be explaining either. Out of spite.

You close the Ironic Paradigm. The window displaying it disappears, but the program remains running. That's what you like about your Interfacial Environment, nothing does what you tell it to. It knows better than you.

It's a good thing that you closed your Paradigm just now; someone might be able to tell what you just meant.

> Oddity: Get off computer and examine storage mediums

You were never on your computer. Except for when you were hassling your Affiliate a while back. And every other time you've been on your computer.

You make your way across your Apartment's Bedroom to your daunting 3-Drawered Chest, in which you have stashed the most heavily-accessed of your belongings.

The Lowermost Drawer is the dedicated Computing Project Purgatory, the Middle is for Instuments of Foolery, and the Topmost for your Most Prized Merchandise. Didn't need four paragraphs for that, now did you?

> Oddity: Fondly regard upper capsulation

No need to look, you already know how your Most Prized Merchandise looks in there. You can't wait for the author to actually conceptualize what the thing is.

Also you won't look because you've been being Assailed by two different Affiliates. You can barely put up with how much that app sticks its neck out to use words that start with A. At least the developers haven't implemented an A-word for "stopped messaging" yet and never will. You're hoping that you're being Post-Ironic.

> Oddity: Your friends are waiting

OH YEAH you do that.

You take a seat in front of your Raspberry IHeir, your preferred mode of computing, and Actuate the AssailAffiliate app.

AssailAffiliate restarts for an Automatic Update before you can do anything, though it doesn't take long due to the update barely changing anything meaningful.

You are being Assailed by Affiliates PP and CC.

> Oddity: Respond to CC

--CreepilyCarbonaceus (CC) actuated Assailage of SuperpositionedSealion (SS) at 02:01 PM--

CC: Good Morning Oddity!

CC: You Said The Other Night You Wanted To Hear Dreams I Had For An Animation Right?

CC: Well I Had A Really Weird One Last Night!

CC: It Was Night Time And There Were Glowing Things And Glowy Things In The Sky And I Think Someone Wlse Was There?

CC: Like Not Just Someone In My Dream But Someone Else Who Was In My Dream?

CC: Uhh That Sounds Really Stupid...

SS: No i think i get it.

SS: I also had a weird dream last night, but there are other things i want to talk about now that you're online.

SS: By which i mean exactly one.

SS: How have you been enjoying C&C?.

CC: C&c?

CC: Oh Yeah The Card Game

CC: Yeah Its Been Great! Even Without Too Many Other People To Play With Its Been Helping Me Alot!

CC: Its Too Bad We Cant Play Together Since Were On Different Planets...

SS: Good to hear i've roped another one of my friends into sharing more of my interests.

SS: Secondarily, i do have some works in the works that can hypothetically transport things across planets.

SS: Wait actually nevermind, it's nowhere near safe for anything living, let alone anything non-hexahedral.

CC: Heavens Forbid Any Non Platonic Solids End Up In That Thing!

SS: Yeah it's particularly disasterous with regular compounds, it's just too much concaveness.

CC: Concavity

SS: Shush.

SS: And rhombic dodecahedra?.

CC: No...

SS: You die if that happens.

SS: You die if rhombic dodecahedra happens.

CC: What About 4d Objects?

CC: What Happens If That Geometric Concept Ends Up In Your Magic Transporter Device?

SS: Oh yeah.

SS: And/or oh no.

SS: That's how the four worlds end.

SS: Not with a bang, but with a huge damn tesseract tearing everything apart in a way we can't even percieve.

CC: Dang... Everythings Being Destroyed And We Don't Even Get To See It...

SS: Theoretically.

CC: Hypothetically!

SS: Anyways my inbox is currently overflowing with messages from PP so i gotta go do that.

CC: Bye!!!

--SuperpositionedSealion (SS) aborted Assailage of CreepilyCarbonaceus (CC) at 02:09 AM--

SS: Figures.

> Oddity: Respond to PP

--PastryPurgatory (PP) actuated Assailage of SuperpositionedSealion (SS) at 01:58 PM--

PP: Girl

PP: U there girl

PP: The package got here and was also the roof thing

PP: But you probably already knew that already because you're a total wad

PP: I can't play with you for a list of reasons spanning fuckteenhundred miles long

PP: Fuckteenhundred being the precise distance between EBF and EPM of course

PP: In miles

PP: It's weird that we all share distance measurement systems despite not knowing the exact origin of any of our planets

SS: Yeah it's been baffling scientists since the dawn of the celestial ring.

SS: Really all of the studies of this solar system situation has been nothing but infuriating for anyone who tries to comprehend it.

SS: I am definitely not exempt from that group.

PP: Oh cool you're actually here now

PP: Also I got way off topic with the measurements and the planets and the three letter acronyms

PP: Who am I going to play this game with exactly?

PP: Card games and those things seperately as well are much more of an EDM thing

SS: There you go again with the planets and the acronyms.

PP: There YOU go again with the clown prankstery in my OWN HOME

SS: :o).

PP: There YOU go AGAIN actually nevermind I think that's enough of the same words over and over again

PP: Oh my baker I keep distracting myself WHO AM I GOING TO RAPBATTLE WITH


SS: Theoretical :o).

PP: If you derail this fiasco with one message one more time I'm gonna flip my shelf life

SS: Bad baking wordplay but uhhh...

SS: I don't know fight a random woodland creature or something?

PP: We don't have those here

PP: They were all supposedly anihilated in some giant robot battle between gods before skepticism existed

PP: Also all of your woodland creatures have like

PP: Sentience

PP: And debt

SS: Makes it a lot easier to play card games with them :oP.

SS: There's probably someone in town who's just as desperate for a fellow rapper to challenge them, though.

SS: A powerful slam poet who climbed themself out of reach of all else, isolated atop a mountain of their own raw rythmic prowess.

PP: Oh funny you mention the word rythym

SS: Technically i didn't.

PP: Shut yourself

PP: I chose a Concept card related to that

SS: Oh yeah the starter cards are really good actually!.

PP: Really?

SS: ...No.

SS: After thinking about it for more than the time it took to type that message, the ones i have are much more useful.

SS: For like, everything?

PP: Fair

PP: Well I guess I'll go and hit the town with my fresh set of loser baby cards

PP: See ya

--PastryPurgatory (PP) aborted Assailage of SuperpositionedSealion (SS) at 02:18 PM--

> BBread: Hit the town with your fresh set of loser baby cards

Jargon allocated and Hyperjournal armed, you think you're just about ready to do so. Unfortunately, your 11" Heirtop Air will not serve you much in the way of telecommunications without ignoring the limits of wireless internet connection, which will be relevant much later. If you want to keep in touch with your friends, you're going to need something else.

> Look under desk

Ah, just what you needed!

A bar of Oatmeal Milk and Honey-scented soap. Lucky day for you! You pocket in your Soapfolio for safe keeping, and maybe just a bit of boasting.

Too bad you still can't talk to your friends outside, though. Like you said, it's unfortunate.

You de-bedroom, de-ankle injury and de-house right out the front door before any more inventorial shennanigans take place.

It is an aformentionedly fine First Quadriterrestrial Unirevolution Duodecimal's Twenty-seventh. The air lags behind the sun in warmth, breathed in by a young boy walking beside the road to a town he calls home, and exhaled by an oven-baked jokester looking to play a game.

In your stride, you spy something. Someone, perhaps? They seem like a normal inhabitant of your planet.

They look at you. They begin moving towards you. Lurching towards you. Long limbs approach you rapidly as you stare at their white, deranged eyes inside their deep, dark, geometricly shaped body.

With a closer look, you realise two things: this dude is a monster, and your search for an opponent is over.

> Altercate

An altercative stance is assumed, and your weapon, drawn.

You engage the Cosmic Polyhedron.

> Dispatch

In accordance with your Concept, you sling your noble string instrument of torture to a Snazzy beat. It is so Snazzy. You sure are glad you can hear it.

The Cosmic Polyhedron is afflicted with 5 Detriment from the rapidity of your strikes, and the appropriate Cardboard Detriment Counters appear overhead the accursedly convex fiend, along with Flavor Text refering to the situation. SHOOT TO THE COSMIC POLYHEDRON

The Cosmic Polyhedron attacks while you're internally describing imaginary words.

> Disengage!

Disengaging is more the kind of command you'd use when you don't want to fight and also for whatever equivalent of a "loser baby" an unaging society has, but you take advantage of the command nonetheless.

The calignous fuck turns into floaty space mist and teleports in front of you, clotheslining you to the tune of 5 Detriment, a fifth of your Upper Extreme, 25. The Detriment Counters mock you. The Flavor Text forsakes you in disapointment.

> BBread: Get up and get wild

You rise in a comically quick and snappy manner and begin swinging your Yo-yo around like a lasso in an attempt to mortify your opposition with 1840's western culture. It disaprooves of the use of a Yo-yo in this way and also doesn't seem to know what coyboys are and neither do you because this is the wrong planet/universe/canon/fiasco for that. It prepares a lunge.

> Dissipate (kinetic energy (of Yo-yo))

You catch the idea to use the Cosmic Polyhedron's use of your running against you against it by using its lunging against it.

You slam the Yo-yo against its body into the pavement for 7 detriment.

There are visible cracks in its body now. You decite to put a stop to your aggression at this point.

> Dulcify

It continues its aggression at this point. This point being the point during which you put your weapon away.

If it wasn't obvious, this catches you off guard.

The Cosmic Polyhedron scratches you across the face for 4 Detriment, and is preparing another strike while you're too busy having just been scratched across the face.

You know this thing means no well and knows no bounds by now. You know even better that your kind, though without age, are fickle in constitution. The Polyhedron begins to lunge. Even when void of armements, you feel compelled to move your arm - though strangely, not as you would weild a weapon. A latent gladiatory strength takes over, as though you have already given in to it. By the time you can see clearly, your opposition is gone, recently slammed into a nearby tree. AUTO-PARRY

You waste no time. Approaching the fiend, you point your arm to the sky, Yo-yo in hand. You prepare a strike that will finalize this fiasco.

> BBread: Yo-yo whip

You swing the Earthstuck Yo-yo shapeward, releasing it from your hand.

You hit the whip a bit too hard and your guy blows the fuck up. ALTERCATION OVERCAME!

> Reap

You reap 127 points of Altercative Participation and 4 Cosmic Powder.

Your Number increments to 2!

You are allotted a novel Pseudonym: Bestrung Beginner!

Your Upward Detriment Extreme increments by 2.

Your Braingirth increments by 3.

Your Snaz increments by 5.

Your Comedic Sense de/increments by an unknown amount.

You are allotted a novel Devisement: Primordially Frightening Proportions!

You are allotted a novel Yo-yo Trick: Frictious Graze!

> Return home before realizes you are the cause of this guy blowing the fuck up

Good idea, you. You being you, of course. You begin escaping to the houseward.